* “A Guide For Men… 10 Keys To Unlock Your Woman’s Sexual Desire!”….
Find out why my adult son said he thought every woman should come with one of these books attached to her – it was like a manual he dreamed of having to understand women!
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A Peek Inside..
I dreamed this book.
I was giving a lecture to a group of men who were complaining about their wives not giving them enough sex. After they commented on how lucky my husband was to find a woman who had a high sex-drive, it dawned on me that they were not assuming any responsibility for why their women were not interested in sex! I would be so bold as to say that most of the time, it is how we are treated by the men in our lives that makes us excited about being sexual, not our hormone levels.
In the dream I went on to explain a commonly described scenario.
The dating years are about being on your best behavior: going out to dinner/movies/dancing, staying up late into the night talking, sharing, and exploring each other. You leave love notes, say sweet things, and spend hours gazing into each other’s eyes. You propose marriage, she accepts, and together you plan your special day. You share a wonderful day celebrating the union of your lives. Then you go off on a honeymoon where you have nothing to do but devote more time to each other. Life is full of love, excitement, and a lot of great sex. Then you go home and resume life. You go back to work, the laundry piles up, you buy groceries, you cook, pay bills, worry about money, and continue with your education or career plans. It’s just the two of you, so you still make some time for lovemaking, but you find you are both a little more tired at the end of the day. Then you add a child or two or three! Now here is where the things change.
There are a couple of directions this newly committed couple can take. I’ll refer to them as choice one and choice two.
Choice one seems to be the most commonly described by women I meet.
His day recapped. He awakens, dresses, goes to work, works hard, go to the gym, maybe stops for a drink with a friend after work, comes home, eats dinner, checks email, pays a bill or two, watches TV, goes to bed, waits (hopes) for sex to happen. This may be an over simplification for many men out there; however this is from the women’s perspective.
Her day recapped. She wakes up, gets the kids up, fixes breakfast for everyone, folds a load of laundry she tossed in the night before, gets the kids dressed, makes school lunches (or a baby packed up for daycare), puts herself together, double checks last evening’s homework and makes sure every has what they need for the day and know what the schedule is for afterschool or evening activities. She works her day, taking several calls from school and day care, afterschool care provider or the kids directly. This weighs heavily on her and can be quite distracting from her job creating room for error. She deals with being less than in the work setting due to this mind tug with the children throughout the day. Perhaps she has to leave work early (more Mom’s leave work than Dads) for a sick child to rush to the doctor before closing. She arrives home, sick kid in tow, makes and serves dinner, cleans up dishes and kitchen, bathes children, helps with homework, reads to the kids (throws another load of laundry in) and settles the kids into bed for the night; hopefully. By the time the house is organized, settled in and prepared to do it all again in a few short hours she is exhausted. She climbs her weary body into bed only to find her partner waiting and hoping the sex goddess has arrived and ready to play. He tells her he wishes she would initiate sex more and before he finishes the sentence she is sawing logs.
Choice Two: My husband taught me about this one and my son and son in law are doing a fine job of making this happen in their homes.
His day. He awakens and helps get the kid(s) up and ready for their day. He tag teams with his partner by sharing in the meal preparation, getting kids ready for school or daycare, packing lunches and driving to school. His cell phone is also on the list to call from school or day care so that he also gets calls during the day he must juggle with his work life. He and his partner discuss who can take the sick child that day for care, as it’s not simply the default parent chosen. Once home at the end of the day the tag team goes back into action so they are all spending time together, sharing about their days while preparing the meal, doing the laundry, helping with homework, and winding down the day with bathes and books. It’s a family and everyone shoulders the responsibilities in a synchronized fashion. Once the family is settled in for the night the couple (who have frequent and open conversations about their desires) get their adult playtime and take turns with perhaps a bath, massage, neck rub or something more sexually based. The most important factor is that they focus on each other’s desires and pleasures. More often than not this will lead to some form of sexual activity, which brings about closeness and connected energy that feeds them during the hours they spend apart. This intimacy effort keeps the fires of desire burning so that even when apart they will be thinking about and yearning for each other.Share